This blog is for adults 25-75 years old who have lost a loved one over a year ago. There are many resources available during the first year of mourning, but after that, we become “invisible mourners” who are supposed to have gotten over it already.
Grief never really leaves, whether it was 3 years ago or 30 years ago although how we live our life changes. It’s important to express our feelings, joys, sorrows, and changes in mourning as the years pass, and here is a place where we can do this freely. My hope is that the comments will inspire you and strengthen you, and and give you a realistic picture of what grief, joy, and life is like.
September 12, 2006 at 1:03 am
this looks beautiful…am one the phone with you now
January 14, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I have been searching for a place to share my grief because on January 21 of 2007 will be the anniversary of my fiancee’s death. The fact is, I am just learning that my grieving is just now starting. It was a month ago when I felt I was getting physically sick and saw a doctor. I was diagnosed with severe depression. I tried to handle his death alone by at first pretending he was just away at work. I have found a grief and loss counselor and started seeing her in December. August of 2002 I lost my best friend and when Jon died, I was still trying to deal with my friends death. I didn’t want anyone to know I couldn’t handle it, so I suffered in silence for years and I know it is killing me socially, spiritually, mentally and possibly physically. Ironically, my Mother had been a grief and loss counselor and flew around to places doing presentations on grief work. Maybe that is why I thought I had it covered.
January 15, 2007 at 1:52 am
I believe grief is a Solo Journey that each of us walks when we are ready to. There is no timeframe of when we face it, there is no right way to face it, and it can be a scary journey.
that is the reason for this blog, so people will share their experiences. by listening and sharing with others we may gain strength and understanding of our own journey. be gentle with yourself. you have good reason to be hurting.
February 9, 2007 at 12:35 am
My Grandfather passed away a year and a half ago. He was the only man in my life growing up and the most important person in my life.
I want to share with others here who are experiencing heartbreak and a sense of loss… though I know how much pain it causes to lose someone, I also know how much happiness and sense of self comes from it… a story I wrote in rememberance of my Grandfather below, but first my mother’s words and feelings I know if she could she’d share with you…
When my Grandfather died, my mother said her arm felt like it had been “cut-off.” She still can not look at his picture on my refrigerator when she comes to visit… she says “It feels like he’s looking at me” and then tears well up in her eyes. But she told me a story of a day I was little and how her father’s influence through me was the reason she came to know the Lord. I realized after hearing her story, that both her and I would not be who we are today if it weren’t for him. When I was only six years old, I went to Bible Camp – a camp founded by my Grandfather. When I came home, I ran up to my mother and told her with a very big smile that I had accepted Jesus into my heart. My mother said it was the reason she came to know the Lord and accept him as her Saviour when she saw the smile on my face.
I mentioned how sad my mother. I miss my Grandfather a lot, but at the same time I rejoice and honor him, for he gave me so much. A Grandfather is an important person in a child’s life… I hope that any person reading this can start to celebrate their life and instead of feeling as though they’ve lost their arm, feel a smile come across their face… the story below is dedicated to my Grandfather.
I Want To Give – In Loving Memory & A Single Verse is a recent and personal discovery about ‘life and work’ and what is to always have been…
In looking back, a woman discovers her ‘years to come’ and sees her future.
It begins with the sadness of her Grandfather’s passing, takes her back to the memories they shared, and leads her to rediscover her strengths and instincts as a child when she recalls a ’single’ verse.
~I had to be about my Grandpa’s house~ is in reference to his library study and his ‘life and work’ and a single verse she remembers as a child in a story that stayed with her ‘for years to come’–See Luke 2:49
In loving memory of my Grandpa.
He showed me the Lord.
For I am not ashamed of the gospel,
because it is the power of God
for the salvation of everyone who believes.
Romans 1:16
I Want To Give just like my Grandfather gave to so many others and myself; a love that smiles, and I know the will of God and life and work of my Grandfather, and both call me here.
I Want To Give – In Loving Memory & A Single Verse
Her Grandfather passed away last year. She remembers him as always working and smiling, and he loved to laugh out loud. He cared about people and always had a lot to share with them.
On her last visit…
His face and spirit still like a shining star. It always started out she felt inspired; they ate together, caught up on the family-tree, and looked at old photographs.
Grandpa loved to share the gospel. He had a way with speaking out. He was the kind of man to welcome a child on his knee and tell Bible stories. As she got older, she read the Bible and he listened. In all those years, and every time she saw him, he would say, “Jesus loves you.”
They had fun playing board games Backgammon and Scrabble, and when they competed in Croquet they could always count on each other to say, “Let’s go again!” If she were to add the hours they played their favorite card game? It would be a better surprise to see the numbr of times they charged at the challenge of seeing who was the fastest; and jumped across the table to reach the last pile, and exclaimed as loud as they could “Dutch Blitz!”
She listened when he talked about his life and work. They were ‘cut from the same cloth’ in the way they shared an understanding for respect, especially for listening and learning. It was during their last visit, she sensed there was more to their connection…
And, so began the subtle power of God’s enduring grace.
One day in her reminiscence…
Her mother told her of the day she was born; said she was “unusual” in the way that she smiled a lot and was content. Grandpa would always she she had a “beautiful spirit.”
She saw her Grandfather much in the same way, and perhaps inevitable…
Soon, every time she ran to the corner store she was greeted with “Smiley!” by the storekeeper. But the storekeeper was not the only one inspired. She remembers it struck her somehow, as if to say she was so grown up and her smile would surely lead to her destiny.
At five years old, she arrived home from summer Bible Camp – a children’s camp founded by her Grandfather, and ran up to her mother in the kitchen with a very big smile and cried out in glee “Guess what, I asked Jesus into my heart!” She somehow knew that in her heart and in her life Jesus would always be. She felt him in the way she felt her spirit now.
Now she knew God’s love.
She then came to learn more of what Grandpa was all about…
Times would come when she would help with the newsletter – a native gospel newsletter founded by her Grandfather, and sort stacks of ‘little green paper’ on many tables where together they put them in numerical order and then folded them in half like a book, and she was already excited to know the inspiration books could bring…
Holding her breath, she would always go down the dark, cold basement steps to Grandpa’s library study, at the same time anticipate what she would find next down there – always a new world to explore. On this day, she found a heavy volume of big, blue children’s books that talked about Jesus and his many journeys. A story in particular, when Jesus was just a boy and went to the Lord’s Temple where he had to be about his Father’s house and listenend and talked with the many scholars there.
It would stay with her for years to come.
Was God speaking to her there?
With an innate knowledge and respect for leadership and principles she works to share that with people too, and lives to influence people to listen within and to welcome their own spirit so they can see others need theirs too; and shares compassion. Could it also be, that reading about Jesus and his journeys, and learning from her Grandfather’s influence, is why no matter where she is, even in a cold and dark basement, it always feels like home?
God is serenity. She remembers that summer on the beach and sitting on a rock, and it occurs to her now; she does not remember her thoughts before that moment or who she even was, but she remembers how she felt during that prayer, and ever since then, and that is to always consider God before everything she does and to look after her spirit. She never feels alone. She has never felt lonely.
She knows God is everywhere. He speaks to us all the time. She wants to share that, for she sees there are many people who feel alone or get lonely. The rock is symbolic; of, no matter the weight we carry, God will always hear us and respond with a smile…
And we will surely feel it.
Now at a time in her life when she is making another life-changing decision, she sits on the rock she founded. She goes back to her last visit with her Grandfather, and speaks with him once more; at the same time she feels a deep aspiration to change the direction of her work…
Indeed, God has spoken. It was as she sensed before.
Then she hears Grandpa say “Hello Smiley! Bring my work up from the basement and let’s take it to the store!”
Her Grandfather had a sense of humor and he always made her laugh! He also loved candy! But she was not scared to go down the cold, dark basement steps, and do you know why? Because at the end there would always be a part of him that she would find…
For she had to be about her Grandpa’s house.
He lived to share God’s grace…
Now she works to serve God.
To bring the mysterious, enlightening and wondrous works of God upon her as a small child, and the dedicated ‘life and work’ of her Grandfather, to share their grace and love through her passion for stories and writing that will inspire ‘for years to come’.
To let others know God is speaking to us all the time.
The final step she takes is where she will look back on her
‘years to come’
and happy to see ‘life and work’ are one and the same – and she knows it is the way it is to always have been – with God.
I Want To Give; a love that smiles, and I know the will of God.
What story, children’s book or single verse ties in with your fondest childhood memories for years to come? What personal discovery is found? When will your adventure unfold? How about now…
I Want To Give – In Loving Memory & A Single Verse, I love you Grandpa xox
May 9, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Motherhood is not a simple, but unqiue time in life. It changes so many things and the way how you see the world. It is interesting to participate in the experiences of other women.
Cheers
Lisa
June 10, 2007 at 8:17 am
I lost my entire family –
(“the one that beats them all”)
About 10 years ago my little brother committed suicide (just before Xmas 1995). A few weeks later my Mom found out her cancer had come back. I moved back East and took care of her until she died in June 12, 1996, (6 months after my brother’s death.) And then 2 months after Mom died, my Dad committed suicide, (Aug. 26, 1996). This all put me a very bad depression. I don’t remember most of what happened for about 3 years after.
Then a few years later, the Man whom I loved and had been with for 14 years, left me. He didn’t handle my grieving well at all. I couldn’t talk to him about any of it. He would get irritated and angry if he saw me crying, so I had to hide it. He got to where he acted as though I didn’t even exist. This went on for several years. I should have told him to leave a lot sooner but I wasn’t prepared to let go of one of the few people left that I thought loved me, and he knew this. I found out later that he stayed with me those last few years ONLY because I had inherited some money. He was just using me. During all of this I had pretty much become reclusive. I lost touch with all of my friends. I can’t blame them really. I wasn’t any fun to be around for a very long time. I’m still not.
Since this all happened, starting about 10 years ago, it seems that everything just keeps falling apart. I’ve been trying to get my life somewhat back to “normal”, but nothing seems to work. I’ve started trying to associate with friends again, old and new, but they are not very receptive. I feel like I don’t know how to communicate with people anymore. I don’t have anything to talk about since I haven’t really done much in the last 10 years. I don’t talk about the deaths in my family or about my Ex-boyfriend at all. I know that would send them running. I just keep it all inside with a plastic smile on my face and hope nobody notices. I really do try to be happy and upbeat, but most of the time I just feel numb, like I am invisible. I know I should be more outgoing, like I used to be. But I just don’t know how or what to do.
The only one who was there for me during all of this was my old dog Shadow. And now, a few days ago, I took her to the Vet. After many test, Xrays, Ultrasounds, etc. they tell me she has untreatable cancer, a tumor on her heart. They told me she will probably only live about a month.
Sometimes it feels as if I’m just waking up from a 10 year coma (nightmare). Everything has changed, but I didn’t see it changing, and now I don’t belong. I have changed too, but in a different way. I was 36 when they died, but I am “old” now (my hair turned white, I gained 30 lbs, I have wrinkles around my eyes from years of crying), and almost everybody I ever loved has disappeared. I have no self esteem; no self respect. Nothing seems to be getting better. Nothing really makes me happy – I’ve forgotten how. I’ve lost my passion and strength I used to have for life. I’m no longer living my life. I’m just existing.