When I see people who have families bickering and badgering eachother sometimes I lose my patience. They are raging and angry because he said this or she did that. They are focused on the present moment but not the bigger picture.

I’m not talking about toxic people that suck life from you and you feel worse each time your a with them. I’m talking about the deep bonds that exist in families that are sometimes deeply disrespected. You know, right? The absolute waste of energy spent arguing about petty nonsense instead of finding common ground and being grateful every day for their presence in our lives.

After we have lost a loved one, so many people live with regrets of what they should have done or said. But really the saddest part is that often their is simply a myopic view of life. Living for today, letting the disappointment and hurt block the moment of appreciating we have our mother or father, or child or sibling or partner.

Being alone without family on holidays is always hard for me. That’s because I had a family that I deeply loved and who unconditionally loved me. How rare. But when i see others families sitting at a table bickering or the chair is empty because someone was angry and didn’t show up, I get angry and think what a waste. What a waste that these people don’t find the way to love eachother. Now. Not when it’s too late.

Sometimes being alone without family feels life pure freedom. I no longer worry. I don’t have sleepless nights. I don’t have the responsibility anymore about someones life. I am free of all of that and after so many years of being a caregiver it is a relief.

But all in all, being a caregiver was the single greatest pleasure in my life and the best thing i’ve ever done. through that experience I grew into being a magnificent women. I grew into being a woman I was proud of and who made good choices and lived each day with integrity…despite the indignities I had to fight against.

I probably have so much peace with myself amidst my loss because I chose to honor myself and my family and the ethics and integrity I was brought up with. I’ve been challenged though. A lot. Yet, I have remained steadfast despite the ugliness of infighting, stealing, lying, and other behaviors that usually follow the death of a loved one.

So, again, when I see people fighting, I just think what a waste. A waste of either their time if the people are just too toxic, or, a waste of love that isn’t being permitted to come to the surface.

Either way, each of my days feel so precious. I am grateful to be alive and cannot waste even one day of my life.