Self care and care giving don’t go together. Everyone means well but unless they have cared for a seriously ill person, I’m not sure they understand just how stressful and exhausting it is. It is different than caring for a child because there is a future to look forward to. Caring for an ill loved one results in a life without them.

Well meaning people told me to make sure I take care of myself. I wondered how when I had to manage a high stress job, Mom’s care, regular emergency room visits, and every moment knowing it may be the last day I saw Mom.

I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough or perhaps emotionally removed enough to practice self care. It was important to me to give Mom the best care I possibly could and that involved me being involved. There just wasn’t enough time or energy to go around.

I read once caring for a sick child for a few years could add 10 years to one’s age. I think caring for an elderly parent certainly is up there too. Especially when you have life and death decisions to make and the responsibility for the legal things like DNR’s and advanced directives. I didn’t realize how fatigued and battle weary I was. After Mom died, it took about a year for my body and mind to realize there were no more emergencies. I could go to sleep with the telephone turned off.

Copyright 2006-7. Barbara Cole. All rights reserved.