I don’t like to grade loss. Each of our losses is precious to us and each of us feels our pain differently. Still, it happens all the time that we hear or find ourselves measuring our loss to someone else.

“My Mom died and my kids will never know their grandmother” or “I lost a sibling and a parent in a short time” or “I lost both of my parents within a year”. Or, the all time trump card, “I lost a child; there is nothing worse than losing a child”. There is one that even trumps that, “I lost my entire family”.

I avoid these words because often, I win the contest, and it’s a contest I don’t want to win. It also gives me plenty of room to be a victim if I wanted to. Also, it leads to a futile discussion about whether it is worse to lose someone suddenly or to a long illness.

You know how when you are waiting for results while a loved one is in surgery or ICU and everyone in the room has the same expression on their face? Those rooms equalize us regardless of our financial situation, our religion, our race, and our age. We are all waiting with an aching heart. We are equal. And usually we support each other in that small waiting room because we all understand how hard it is to wait—hoping for good news.

Well, after the initial loss has passed and the anger over how or when our loved one died, we become equal. We all hurt and suffer and grieve. Grading our loss is just a temporary way to feel better or worse about our situation, but nothing changes it. We all are grieving.

Copyright 2006-7. Barbara Cole. All rights reserved.